My latest album purchases, both from Amazon, for Itunes:
John Hammond: Solo (Live)
Cello for Relaxation
Sunday, November 23, 2008
On poverty:
On Poverty
Why do people, white people, tend sometimes to think of colored people in Third World countries as being nasty, shameful, lazy, people with no morals or values? Because they're poor. That seems backwards to me. It's kind of like, you feel that they are only in that position because they are lazy and don't want to work.
Now it is important to me that you understand, that I know what it is like to have to work and fight for every little goddamned material thing you have in this world. You had to pull teeth to get it, and when you look at other people, sitting in the dirt, stirring their dinner with a stick in the pot over a fire, perhaps it is all too reminiscent of the poverty you yourself can remember being born into? Your philosophy being, and I do believe this is valid: "You have to work and fight for everything you get in this world, and that is just the way that it is, if you can't do that, then you can just learn to be content living in the dirt. As for me, I fought, and I worked, and I chose not to live in the dirt."
I don't know, I just don't think it is a very healthy (healthy for you, and I'm saying it because I want you to be happy and healthy) to think about this world. I guess I just think, 'what would Jesus say'? LOL, I know, what a cliche. And I don't even go to church. But, at the same time, whether you believe in Jesus or what, it is still a valid question just because it helps a person to come up with a philosophy or way of looking at the world we live in, without having to go completely nuts from anger or frustration. It's like this: This is a big goddamned world, and if you knew the statistics you would know that,
10% of the world's population controls 50% of all the world's wealth.
14% of the world's population is from North, Central and South America.
20% of the world is unable to read.
30% of the world's population suffers from malnutrition.
76% of the world's population is non-white.
Less than 2% of the world's population has a college degree.
I feel like when you look at it from that perspective, Jesus' attitude makes a lot more sense. We all need to HELP each other, not hurt each other. It's THAT severe, folks. What a sad human race we would be, if we couldn't.
Why do people, white people, tend sometimes to think of colored people in Third World countries as being nasty, shameful, lazy, people with no morals or values? Because they're poor. That seems backwards to me. It's kind of like, you feel that they are only in that position because they are lazy and don't want to work.
Now it is important to me that you understand, that I know what it is like to have to work and fight for every little goddamned material thing you have in this world. You had to pull teeth to get it, and when you look at other people, sitting in the dirt, stirring their dinner with a stick in the pot over a fire, perhaps it is all too reminiscent of the poverty you yourself can remember being born into? Your philosophy being, and I do believe this is valid: "You have to work and fight for everything you get in this world, and that is just the way that it is, if you can't do that, then you can just learn to be content living in the dirt. As for me, I fought, and I worked, and I chose not to live in the dirt."
I don't know, I just don't think it is a very healthy (healthy for you, and I'm saying it because I want you to be happy and healthy) to think about this world. I guess I just think, 'what would Jesus say'? LOL, I know, what a cliche. And I don't even go to church. But, at the same time, whether you believe in Jesus or what, it is still a valid question just because it helps a person to come up with a philosophy or way of looking at the world we live in, without having to go completely nuts from anger or frustration. It's like this: This is a big goddamned world, and if you knew the statistics you would know that,
10% of the world's population controls 50% of all the world's wealth.
14% of the world's population is from North, Central and South America.
20% of the world is unable to read.
30% of the world's population suffers from malnutrition.
76% of the world's population is non-white.
Less than 2% of the world's population has a college degree.
I feel like when you look at it from that perspective, Jesus' attitude makes a lot more sense. We all need to HELP each other, not hurt each other. It's THAT severe, folks. What a sad human race we would be, if we couldn't.
On wealth:
On Wealth
I believe that, in the end, we really are all living with the same amount of everyday difficulties and pains and vulnerabilities and wants, needs, hopes and dreams, be we rich, poor, whatever.
I think most of us never even think about what it might actually be like to be very very wealthy. To go through life, knowing that everyone sees you as 'the wealthy person', and not just 'Joe' or 'Lisa' the way the rest of of us get to enjoy being known. Even if they say they're your friends, you know there is still always that element of you as 'the wealthy person'. And believe me, it's significant if you should oh-my-God, ever do something unbecoming of your position in life. Stuff you never even think twice about, like drinking or oh, I don't know. We tend to look up to them, you know what I mean, and expect them to be someone the rest of us could emulate. It seems to me that this could be a lonely, isolating life. Lonely even when you're not alone, you know what I mean? Having a lot of money can be just as much of a cross to bear as not enough money. They also have to deal with difficult teenagers, marriage, generally how to get along socially with friends and family (the good, the bad AND the ugly), just like us, etc. And how would you like to be hated on sight, just because you were wealthy, without ever even having had one conversation with the wealthy person? I think it is good not to judge someone just because they're wealthy. I think you'd be surprised if you offered genuine friendship sometime to someone like that, how grateful they'd be for the opportunity to show you that they don't think they're better than anyone else, either, and wouldn't they just love to have you for a friend. Just a friend, you know? That's it - that's what makes the world keep going around. Remember when we were little, playing together in the sandbox?
I believe that, in the end, we really are all living with the same amount of everyday difficulties and pains and vulnerabilities and wants, needs, hopes and dreams, be we rich, poor, whatever.
I think most of us never even think about what it might actually be like to be very very wealthy. To go through life, knowing that everyone sees you as 'the wealthy person', and not just 'Joe' or 'Lisa' the way the rest of of us get to enjoy being known. Even if they say they're your friends, you know there is still always that element of you as 'the wealthy person'. And believe me, it's significant if you should oh-my-God, ever do something unbecoming of your position in life. Stuff you never even think twice about, like drinking or oh, I don't know. We tend to look up to them, you know what I mean, and expect them to be someone the rest of us could emulate. It seems to me that this could be a lonely, isolating life. Lonely even when you're not alone, you know what I mean? Having a lot of money can be just as much of a cross to bear as not enough money. They also have to deal with difficult teenagers, marriage, generally how to get along socially with friends and family (the good, the bad AND the ugly), just like us, etc. And how would you like to be hated on sight, just because you were wealthy, without ever even having had one conversation with the wealthy person? I think it is good not to judge someone just because they're wealthy. I think you'd be surprised if you offered genuine friendship sometime to someone like that, how grateful they'd be for the opportunity to show you that they don't think they're better than anyone else, either, and wouldn't they just love to have you for a friend. Just a friend, you know? That's it - that's what makes the world keep going around. Remember when we were little, playing together in the sandbox?
On racism
On racism
Where I come from, in Oregon, I never even saw a black person, even once, until I was about 13. They may as well have been aliens from outer space. I knew absolutely nothing, absolutely nothing about black people. I had never seen one before, remember??? So I really didn't have any kind of preconceived notions or anything at all. Never even gave it a thought. It just wasn't a part of my everyday universe. I remember it clearly, I was in high school. This black family had moved to town. I should tell you something about this town. It was a small 'mill' town. Pretty much everyone was poor, some worse than others, no wealthy people at all. Much of Oregon's income is from lumber. Across the street from our house was a lumber mill. Every shift we heard that whistle go off, to mark the beginning of the next shift. Now pretty much all the men in the town either worked in the mill, or had a relative that worked in the mill, or worked in some profession that served the people that worked in the mill. You get the idea. Ok, this is all I know - they weren't in town long, before they had moved on. Hmmmmm. I know I never even had a chance to get to know one of them before they were gone again. I ain't gonna speculate about why they left... (It is to remember, that this was a long time ago, and I know things have probably changed since then.) I don't think I saw another black person until I moved to Minneapolis, where I've lived since (the last 17 years or so).
Anyway, all my life I've struggled to understand the concept of racism. I grew up hearing other people talk about 'those niggers' and 'those coons' and all this, but since I never saw one of these mythical people, it just never really meant anything to me. I always just dismissed it and thought about other things, things that WERE real, you know, to a child, like playing or my friends, etc, etc.
I guess I've come to some conclusions about it. Such as:
It really seems to me, that the people who don't like the black people and the minorities, and have so much to say (my God, how much they have to say) that is nasty and negative about them, really don't seem much better to me than the colored people, if the colored people are to be said to be inferior in some way. I mean it like this - what would Jesus say? Is that a very Christian attitude? If YOU'RE so superior, why don't you set an example? An example of Christ-like behavior for them to emulate. Maybe it's not for you to judge. Maybe it is for you to worry about the log in your own eye. All you can do in this world is, be the best YOU can be, as a human being, and hope that others will have an opportunity from that (which you so obviously had, from birth, and are so grossly ungrateful for, and unappreciative of, I swear to God racists remind me of spoiled rotten children) to emulate you. You can't control other people's behavior, the most you can hope to do in this world is to set an example and hope from that others may benefit because folks, maybe they have never in their life had someone offer to be a mentor or to help them succeed in life, or show them the way by being an example.
I believe that true superiority holds out a hand, and helps (real or perceived) inferiority to be more like itself, or better than itself, congratulating it all the way, politely, and with supportiveness, love and humility, instead of keeping inferiority at arm's length and under the boot heel, out of fear and ignorance. We should all help each other to be the best that we can be, even if it means they may end up better than ourselves (with more money, position, whatever). They won't forget you, they will remember you as the friend that you are, to them, if you set the right kind of example.
Where I come from, in Oregon, I never even saw a black person, even once, until I was about 13. They may as well have been aliens from outer space. I knew absolutely nothing, absolutely nothing about black people. I had never seen one before, remember??? So I really didn't have any kind of preconceived notions or anything at all. Never even gave it a thought. It just wasn't a part of my everyday universe. I remember it clearly, I was in high school. This black family had moved to town. I should tell you something about this town. It was a small 'mill' town. Pretty much everyone was poor, some worse than others, no wealthy people at all. Much of Oregon's income is from lumber. Across the street from our house was a lumber mill. Every shift we heard that whistle go off, to mark the beginning of the next shift. Now pretty much all the men in the town either worked in the mill, or had a relative that worked in the mill, or worked in some profession that served the people that worked in the mill. You get the idea. Ok, this is all I know - they weren't in town long, before they had moved on. Hmmmmm. I know I never even had a chance to get to know one of them before they were gone again. I ain't gonna speculate about why they left... (It is to remember, that this was a long time ago, and I know things have probably changed since then.) I don't think I saw another black person until I moved to Minneapolis, where I've lived since (the last 17 years or so).
Anyway, all my life I've struggled to understand the concept of racism. I grew up hearing other people talk about 'those niggers' and 'those coons' and all this, but since I never saw one of these mythical people, it just never really meant anything to me. I always just dismissed it and thought about other things, things that WERE real, you know, to a child, like playing or my friends, etc, etc.
I guess I've come to some conclusions about it. Such as:
It really seems to me, that the people who don't like the black people and the minorities, and have so much to say (my God, how much they have to say) that is nasty and negative about them, really don't seem much better to me than the colored people, if the colored people are to be said to be inferior in some way. I mean it like this - what would Jesus say? Is that a very Christian attitude? If YOU'RE so superior, why don't you set an example? An example of Christ-like behavior for them to emulate. Maybe it's not for you to judge. Maybe it is for you to worry about the log in your own eye. All you can do in this world is, be the best YOU can be, as a human being, and hope that others will have an opportunity from that (which you so obviously had, from birth, and are so grossly ungrateful for, and unappreciative of, I swear to God racists remind me of spoiled rotten children) to emulate you. You can't control other people's behavior, the most you can hope to do in this world is to set an example and hope from that others may benefit because folks, maybe they have never in their life had someone offer to be a mentor or to help them succeed in life, or show them the way by being an example.
I believe that true superiority holds out a hand, and helps (real or perceived) inferiority to be more like itself, or better than itself, congratulating it all the way, politely, and with supportiveness, love and humility, instead of keeping inferiority at arm's length and under the boot heel, out of fear and ignorance. We should all help each other to be the best that we can be, even if it means they may end up better than ourselves (with more money, position, whatever). They won't forget you, they will remember you as the friend that you are, to them, if you set the right kind of example.
On addiction:
On Addiction
Oy vey. I was once addicted to cigarettes. If you had asked me, I would have told you, straight faced, serious: 'I can't live without cigarettes'. I would have been dead serious. I think I would literally have walked off a cliff for a cigarette. I don't even want to imagine what it would be like to be addicted to heroin.
The only reason I'm not now, is that I took a drug called Chantix. I do not recommend this drug, for reasons that I won't go into now. Suffice to say, I got off the cigarettes after about 2 months of extreme psychedelic weirdness...
I believe that if you find yourself addicted to something, this might be a way to look at it. Maybe someday it will help someone (?) probably not, but who knows...
You have admitted you are addicted to something. Something really bad has control, has the floor, is large and in charge, is the boss of you and your life. I like to think of it as a big, imaginary, ugly, scary demon. A person, you know, think of it like that, this other person that is now, (thanks to you, good going, dummy) in your life. I'm going to tell it to you straight. Now that you are able to look in the eye that you are in fact in trouble, you must realize that you are standing at a crossroads. This is not a great crossroads here. You have these two choices, and neither one of them looks so hot. The first choice is, stay addicted to whatever it is, and enjoy it until you die young, horribly probably, of complications from it. The other choice is, fight the addiction and get clean. Fight the addiction you say? But how? Yeah, you're as weak as a kitten now, aren't you? Weak from not fighting, for so long. That's how long it's been since you even tried to fight. So, you admit that you are as weak as a kitten, but you have this gigantic enemy to fight, like, Goliath x the Jolly Green Giant x 10. YOU only have so much power against this, symbolically speaking, maybe all you can do is wiggle your little finger, that's all the power you have. And it takes all of your concentration to do it. So, wiggle your little finger. Wiggle it again. The rest of you can remain motionless. Just concentrate on the thing you can do, no matter how stupid or silly you think it looks. This is the beginning of you, fighting. It is the beginning of a long, long road. In the beginning people take baby steps. People (and perhaps even your demon) underestimate the power of baby steps. I hope to come back someday soon and see you concentrating real hard, on wiggling your whole arm, then your right side, you get the picture. It is the humility of starting again, from the humblest position. This is the beginning. Remember not to sass that 'person' you gave all the power over yourself to, remember: humility, humility, humility. (Someday this 'person' will have their own reward, but not from you.)
I want you to know that if you fight and win, against this powerful enemy, that you will be a hero, and that you can have, and wear, the badge of courage and heroism in all truth. The pride that you haven't had since you were addicted, you can feel again, proud of yourself, and the pride will be yours, and it will be from having defeated an enemy that has taken down people from all walks of life, big and small, powerful and poor. I am willing to bet that you will never forget the humility that you learned from the experience however. This is not a badge that everyone walking around out there has the privilege to earn or wear. This is a special, and very powerful badge. Maybe this terrible test is the ultimate test of a person's character. And maybe it is you that was deemed worthy to be put to such a terrible test. Just something to think about. So, begin, if you think you can defeat Goliath, little weak one, taking your 'ridiculous baby steps' ........
Oy vey. I was once addicted to cigarettes. If you had asked me, I would have told you, straight faced, serious: 'I can't live without cigarettes'. I would have been dead serious. I think I would literally have walked off a cliff for a cigarette. I don't even want to imagine what it would be like to be addicted to heroin.
The only reason I'm not now, is that I took a drug called Chantix. I do not recommend this drug, for reasons that I won't go into now. Suffice to say, I got off the cigarettes after about 2 months of extreme psychedelic weirdness...
I believe that if you find yourself addicted to something, this might be a way to look at it. Maybe someday it will help someone (?) probably not, but who knows...
You have admitted you are addicted to something. Something really bad has control, has the floor, is large and in charge, is the boss of you and your life. I like to think of it as a big, imaginary, ugly, scary demon. A person, you know, think of it like that, this other person that is now, (thanks to you, good going, dummy) in your life. I'm going to tell it to you straight. Now that you are able to look in the eye that you are in fact in trouble, you must realize that you are standing at a crossroads. This is not a great crossroads here. You have these two choices, and neither one of them looks so hot. The first choice is, stay addicted to whatever it is, and enjoy it until you die young, horribly probably, of complications from it. The other choice is, fight the addiction and get clean. Fight the addiction you say? But how? Yeah, you're as weak as a kitten now, aren't you? Weak from not fighting, for so long. That's how long it's been since you even tried to fight. So, you admit that you are as weak as a kitten, but you have this gigantic enemy to fight, like, Goliath x the Jolly Green Giant x 10. YOU only have so much power against this, symbolically speaking, maybe all you can do is wiggle your little finger, that's all the power you have. And it takes all of your concentration to do it. So, wiggle your little finger. Wiggle it again. The rest of you can remain motionless. Just concentrate on the thing you can do, no matter how stupid or silly you think it looks. This is the beginning of you, fighting. It is the beginning of a long, long road. In the beginning people take baby steps. People (and perhaps even your demon) underestimate the power of baby steps. I hope to come back someday soon and see you concentrating real hard, on wiggling your whole arm, then your right side, you get the picture. It is the humility of starting again, from the humblest position. This is the beginning. Remember not to sass that 'person' you gave all the power over yourself to, remember: humility, humility, humility. (Someday this 'person' will have their own reward, but not from you.)
I want you to know that if you fight and win, against this powerful enemy, that you will be a hero, and that you can have, and wear, the badge of courage and heroism in all truth. The pride that you haven't had since you were addicted, you can feel again, proud of yourself, and the pride will be yours, and it will be from having defeated an enemy that has taken down people from all walks of life, big and small, powerful and poor. I am willing to bet that you will never forget the humility that you learned from the experience however. This is not a badge that everyone walking around out there has the privilege to earn or wear. This is a special, and very powerful badge. Maybe this terrible test is the ultimate test of a person's character. And maybe it is you that was deemed worthy to be put to such a terrible test. Just something to think about. So, begin, if you think you can defeat Goliath, little weak one, taking your 'ridiculous baby steps' ........
On Beauty
Beauty
I once saw a special on T.V. about this beautiful woman, who had been burned beyond recognition. She was once beautiful, now a monster. What effected me so deeply about watching this woman talk, and move, and go about her business was, that there was absolutely no difference in her behavior, from before she was burned and was beautiful, to after she was burned and looked like a monster. Her personality, her beautiful, loving, giving, courageous personality had not altered even the tiniest bit. It became clear to me, that for this woman, it had never been about her physical appearance, that, while it is 'nice' to be beautiful, it did not 'define' her as a human being. Who she was, did not change, not change at all, when her physical beauty was taken away from her. She kept making dinner for her family, going about everything just exactly as before, as if nothing had happened. You would think all she had lost was a favorite diamond ring. Now, I know that she must have had many sleepless nights spent crying over this. I'm sure there would have been some nights spent crying about the ring, too. But in the daytime, that was not what the world saw of this strong woman. My God, her strength. It was comforting to be reminded in this country that we live in, as a woman, that in the final analysis, at the end of the day, even if we looked physically like a monster, we could still possibly 'win out' over the physically 'beautiful' woman, with our every-day, breathtaking, profound, quiet, inner beauty, grace, love, wisdom and strength..... -mostly love, I think.................
I once saw a special on T.V. about this beautiful woman, who had been burned beyond recognition. She was once beautiful, now a monster. What effected me so deeply about watching this woman talk, and move, and go about her business was, that there was absolutely no difference in her behavior, from before she was burned and was beautiful, to after she was burned and looked like a monster. Her personality, her beautiful, loving, giving, courageous personality had not altered even the tiniest bit. It became clear to me, that for this woman, it had never been about her physical appearance, that, while it is 'nice' to be beautiful, it did not 'define' her as a human being. Who she was, did not change, not change at all, when her physical beauty was taken away from her. She kept making dinner for her family, going about everything just exactly as before, as if nothing had happened. You would think all she had lost was a favorite diamond ring. Now, I know that she must have had many sleepless nights spent crying over this. I'm sure there would have been some nights spent crying about the ring, too. But in the daytime, that was not what the world saw of this strong woman. My God, her strength. It was comforting to be reminded in this country that we live in, as a woman, that in the final analysis, at the end of the day, even if we looked physically like a monster, we could still possibly 'win out' over the physically 'beautiful' woman, with our every-day, breathtaking, profound, quiet, inner beauty, grace, love, wisdom and strength..... -mostly love, I think.................
11.23.08
This is my very first blog entry, ever. I decided to start a blog to jot down MY thoughts on life, the universe, and everything. They mainly pertain just to me, but maybe if someone else ever read it, they would find something interesting or useful in there, too, who knows? I'm a woman, and I just turned 41 (not sure how I feel about that, am trying to come up with a way to think of it that I can live with, and be content with, there is no reason anyone should not be able to be happy and content with their age, no matter what it is, think about that one sometime). I've never been married or had children, for reasons that are too complicated to go into in one beginning blog entry, and just as I hope I would do if I were married with kids, I try every day to find the good things that there are about my life and focus on those, to be a happy person. I believe that whether or not a person is a happy person has mainly to do with their a.t.t.i.t.u.d.e., ahem, about their situation in life, and that happiness is something we all have to strive for, often with conscious effort, every day of our lives. Like a garden, our personalities need to be tended to be kept beautiful.
For instance, a couple of the things I was thinking about today were:
1. Diet - I'm now trying to get the minimum RDA of protein and fiber, plus have 30% of my calories come from healthy fats (namely, vegetable fats, no animal fats). We'll see what effect that has on keeping me feeling full, under my calorie limit, and my cholesterol. I have lost 5 lbs so far, 30 more to go :( ...
2. Exercise - I have found that, if you are starting to exercise from scratch, you must start with no more than 5 minutes a day, then move up to 7, then 10, then 15, etc until you get to your for-the-day goal. You are much more likely to keep to it in the long term if you build up slowly like this, as there is little or no discomfort associated with building up to an exercise plan using this method. Forget the no pain, no gain method, it doesn't work. It just puts you off of exercising altogether. I walk an average of 4 miles a day on my treadmill, watching tv. Paid a lot of money for that bugger, but it was worth every penny, for my health. I hope to walk 4 miles a day until I can no longer walk anymore ;)
3. Budgeting/credit cards/the value of money - I am learning to live without credit cards. A new and novel concept. Like many Americans, I owe about $5,000 in credit card debt. I no longer use my credit cards, just pay them down now every month. I came up with the idea to have a list of things I would like to have, i.e., a 'wish list'. (I actually have one on Amazon, plus another in a Word doc on my PC.) I keep within my budget, and every two weeks allow myself one thing from this wish list, that fits into my budget of course. Then I try to focus on enjoying that individual thing, instead of moving restlessly from thing to thing, buying buying buying, and never really enjoying anything. This seems to be working extremely well at keeping me happy enjoying my 'things' more, and lessening those vague, gnawing feelings of stress related to my finances.
I may have more thoughts later today.
For instance, a couple of the things I was thinking about today were:
1. Diet - I'm now trying to get the minimum RDA of protein and fiber, plus have 30% of my calories come from healthy fats (namely, vegetable fats, no animal fats). We'll see what effect that has on keeping me feeling full, under my calorie limit, and my cholesterol. I have lost 5 lbs so far, 30 more to go :( ...
2. Exercise - I have found that, if you are starting to exercise from scratch, you must start with no more than 5 minutes a day, then move up to 7, then 10, then 15, etc until you get to your for-the-day goal. You are much more likely to keep to it in the long term if you build up slowly like this, as there is little or no discomfort associated with building up to an exercise plan using this method. Forget the no pain, no gain method, it doesn't work. It just puts you off of exercising altogether. I walk an average of 4 miles a day on my treadmill, watching tv. Paid a lot of money for that bugger, but it was worth every penny, for my health. I hope to walk 4 miles a day until I can no longer walk anymore ;)
3. Budgeting/credit cards/the value of money - I am learning to live without credit cards. A new and novel concept. Like many Americans, I owe about $5,000 in credit card debt. I no longer use my credit cards, just pay them down now every month. I came up with the idea to have a list of things I would like to have, i.e., a 'wish list'. (I actually have one on Amazon, plus another in a Word doc on my PC.) I keep within my budget, and every two weeks allow myself one thing from this wish list, that fits into my budget of course. Then I try to focus on enjoying that individual thing, instead of moving restlessly from thing to thing, buying buying buying, and never really enjoying anything. This seems to be working extremely well at keeping me happy enjoying my 'things' more, and lessening those vague, gnawing feelings of stress related to my finances.
I may have more thoughts later today.
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